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I’m barely flexible enough to sit in a chair.) What’s a green single with wifi to do? Sacrificing my dignity for your carnal pleasure, I joined five green dating sites under the name “sustainabanger” and exploited their free features in search of Seattle-area love.(Warning: If you’ve ever stabbed your eyes with a trident — the stabby thing, not the gum — that’s what looking at these sites feels like.

It’s free to browse, reply to messages, and send a hug, kiss, or wink, and you can send two messages for free after signing up.

Featured users seem younger and hotter than on other sites. The bizarre: I am “hotlisted” by a creepy exhibitionist Texan.

And it gets points for being R-rated; one optional profile question is “Favorite on-screen sex scene? The verdict: I send 14 winks, two kisses, and one of my two free messages, and get a tentatively promising reply.

One of his interests: “i guess some people would call it squatting … Confusingly, upgrading to premium is temporarily free, which means there’s a confusing, hard-to-navigate caste system.

Since i like to live off the land.” The bizarre: “This site made with 100% recycled electrons! “No trees were destroyed and no animals were harmed.” Well, The gist: The site is less than two years old, and the pickings are slim. The good: Less-ugly graphic design than the rest — illustrated green doves are about the only thing to mock here.

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